Let’s talk about something that still makes a lot of women squirm…Sex.
Or more specifically, the silence, shame, and masks we wear in the bedroom.
This episode (and this post) is for the woman who’s ever thought:
“Maybe we’re just not compatible…”
But deep down, she knows that’s not the full truth.
“Maybe we’re just not compatible…”
But deep down, she knows that’s not the full truth.
Why I'm Finally Pulling the Covers Back
When I was 11, I discovered a gift.
Not the kind of gift a preteen wants.
I could talk about sex — and somehow, I just knew things.
I had no experience, but I could offer insight, comfort, and truth to people in a way they needed to hear.
Not the kind of gift a preteen wants.
I could talk about sex — and somehow, I just knew things.
I had no experience, but I could offer insight, comfort, and truth to people in a way they needed to hear.
But I learned quickly: this gift wasn’t “normal.”
I was made fun of. Teased. Silenced.
So I did what many of us do… I hid it.
I was made fun of. Teased. Silenced.
So I did what many of us do… I hid it.
But I’m done hiding.
And I want you to be done too.
And I want you to be done too.
The Masks We Wear in Bed
Here’s what I know:
We wear masks in bed all the time.
The Cool Girl. The Pleaser. The Performer.
- The Cool Girl says yes to things she doesn’t actually want — just to feel accepted. To feel chosen. But that “yes” often leads to shame and disconnection.
- The Pleaser believes if she just gives enough, she’ll be seen as valuable. But with takers, giving never leads to receiving. It just creates depletion.
- The Performer fakes orgasms, sounds, responses — because it feels safer than showing her real self. She puts on a show but feels hollow inside.
And the root of all these masks?
Shame.
Shame.
We are ashamed of our pleasure. Of being “too much.” Of not being enough. Of not being the right kind of sexual woman.
And that shame didn’t start in the bedroom. It started in childhood. In our families. In our churches. In our peer groups.
We were taught to be desired, but not to desire. We were told to be sexy, but not sexual.
Even small things, a joke a partner made, a look, a rejection, a silence, they all lodge in our nervous system.
They all reinforce that our pleasure isn’t welcome here.
The Myth of “We’re Just Not Compatible”
Let’s be honest.
How many of you have been told:
“We’re just not sexually compatible.”
How many of you have been told:
“We’re just not sexually compatible.”
Or maybe… you’ve said it yourself.
But what’s really being said?
- “I want you to fuck like I want to be fucked. I don’t care about your needs.”
- “I don’t know what you like, and I’m too afraid to ask.”
- “I don’t even know what I like.”
- “I don’t know what an Erotic Blueprint is or why it even matters.”
We use “compatibility” to hide our fear of communication.
Our fear of being fully seen.
Our fear of being fully seen.
But behind that fear is the doorway to real intimacy.
Understanding the Erotic Blueprints Changed Everything
I’m certified in the Erotic Blueprints and had the privilege of learning directly from the creator, Jaiya (you might’ve seen her on Sex, Love, and Goop on Netflix — or read her book Your Blueprint Pleasure).
I didn’t know I was a Sexual/Sensual blend until I explored the Blueprints. And it shifted everything in my relationship.
My partner is a strong Sensual. Knowing this changed the way we make love.
Sometimes, my Sexual side wants intensity — visuals, nudity, penetration, primal connection. Other times, I want the Sensual tenderness — soft music, slow touch, emotional presence.
Because we talk. Because we’re curious. Because we honor our Blueprints, our sex life moves from “just physical” to transcendent.
What’s Your Blueprint?
You might be:
- Energetic
- Sensual
- Sexual
- Kinky
- Shapeshifter
Most people are a blend, with a dominant one.
And here’s the thing: None of them are wrong. Each has a superpower. Each has a shadow, often shaped by trauma, shame, or cultural conditioning.
Knowing your Blueprint is like getting a map back to your body. A way to come home and invite your partner in.
Why We Hide
We hide because we were taught to. We hide because someone once mocked our sounds, our body, our desires. We hide because we’re afraid that our truth might be rejected.
But when we stay hidden, we’re the ones rejecting ourselves.
But when we stay hidden, we’re the ones rejecting ourselves.
You don’t have to perform. You don’t have to be “low maintenance.” You don’t have to dim yourself to be loved.
The Conversations That Change Everything
Yes, talking about sex is vulnerable AF. It’s raw. Messy. Exposing. But it’s also the doorway to intimacy.
And here’s the secret: When you share your vulnerability, you give your partner permission to share theirs. And that’s the gift of true connection.
Vulnerability held in sacred trust between two people who want to know each other.
Start with:
- “Can I share something that’s been on my mind?”
- “I’ve been curious about trying…”
- “I love when you…”
That’s where intimacy begins. That’s where healing happens.
Final Thoughts & Soul Work
This week, I want you to:
✨ Get curious about your Erotic Blueprint.
✨ Ask yourself: What do I like? What do I need?
✨ Speak one truth even if your voice shakes.
Because you don’t have to be perfect to be powerful. You just have to be honest.
🎧 Listen to the Full Episode:
“Afraid to Talk About Sex? Why We Hide in the Bedroom”
Now streaming on [Spotify, Apple, or your favorite app].
💬 Let’s Talk About It
DM me after you listen.
Share this with a sister or your partner.
Let’s take the masks off together.
Share this with a sister or your partner.
Let’s take the masks off together.
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Authenticity. It’s one of those words that gets thrown around a lot. Be authentic. Be real. Be yourself. But what does that actually mean?
For me, authenticity is about living in alignment with your truth, your values, and your lived experiences. It’s not about checking off someone else’s list of what’s allowed or not allowed.
And embodied authenticity? That’s when authenticity isn’t just an idea in your head or a caption on Instagram, it’s when your choices, your actions, and your body are all living it out.
Two Sides of My Authenticity
Here’s a personal example: in the past, I always made it a point on a second date to show up without makeup. Not because I don’t love getting dressed up but because I also wanted them to see me natural. For me, that’s two sides of my authenticity: the fresh-faced me and the glammed-up me. Both are real. Both are me. Some days I love the ritual of makeup and fashion, and other days I love the freedom of being completely bare. Neither cancels the other out.
The Complexity of Choice
Here’s the truth: women’s choices are not simple. Whether it’s makeup, implants, Spanx, kale smoothies, or hair dye - none of these choices exist in a vacuum. Every decision we make is tied to our stories, our pain, our desires, and our culture. For one woman, getting implants may be about reclaiming her body after cancer. For another, choosing to go makeup-free may be her way of healing from years of being sexualized. And let’s not forget, toxins aren’t just in mascara tubes. They’re in the food we eat, the lotions we rub into our skin, the air we breathe, and the water we drink. Yes, many of these things are toxic. But here’s the important distinction: toxic and inauthentic are not the same thing.
Authenticity isn’t about banning things. It’s about asking:
- Why am I choosing this?
- Does this choice expand me or shrink me?
- Am I acting from fear, or from freedom?
Direct Truth vs. Judgment
The post that sparked this episode said “fake” things aren’t authentic or liberating — that they don’t allow a true relationship with your body. But here’s what I noticed: that wasn’t a universal truth. That was one woman’s belief about what she needs to feel authentic. That’s valid, but when we turn our personal beliefs into rules for everyone else, it becomes judgment. It becomes one-dimensional. Authenticity isn’t a cookie-cutter. What feels fake to her might feel freeing to you. What feels suffocating to me might feel liberating to you. And that’s okay. The real difference? Direct communication with kindness builds bridges. Judgment disguised as “truth” slams doors shut.
Embodied Authenticity in Action
So how do we practice embodied authenticity in daily life?
Here are three questions to guide you:
- Pause & Feel: Does this choice expand me or constrict me?
- Intention Check: Am I choosing this from fear, proving, or desire?
- Body Wisdom: How does my body feel when I imagine not doing this?
At the end of the day, authenticity isn’t about the mascara, the implants, or the kale. It’s about whether your choice brings you closer to yourself — or takes you further away.
The Invitation
My invitation to you is this: let’s stop turning authenticity into a competition. Let’s stop measuring each other’s choices as “real” or “fake.”
Embodied authenticity isn’t about the thing, it’s about the truth underneath the thing. And when you live from that place? That’s when you’re free.
Watch the FULL Embodied Living Episode here
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